An Itch You Can't Scratch
by angel0wonder
Summary: What does Irene do after Clare 'borrows' her remaining arm? Armless Irene in the wilderness with no witnesses...
1. Chapter 1

disclaimer: I don't own an anime or manga about chicks with big swords that fought monsters. It'd be cool if I did, though.

* * *

"Irene the deserter, the Organization has ordered your execution." Rafaela stated as she drew her claymore from it's sheath and held it in front of her. Irene stood calmly before her expressionless. "I've heard you've lost an arm, but it seems you've lost both... That's unfortunate, bad luck for you." Rafaela spoke uncaringly.

An ironic smile tugged at the corners of Irene's lips. "Indeed... After I stopped fighting I thought I had no further use for my dominant arm..." The former number two of the Organization shifted her weight almost uncomfortably. "But I seemed to have forgotten some other... uses... a hand has other than fighting." Irene was actually blushing!

Rafaela faltered the tiniest bit in her stance from shock. What the heck was this lady going on about? "I see no need to listen to the ramblings of someone about to die-"

"Rafaela, I have a favor to ask of you." Irene said, looking off into the distance so she didn't have to look the other warrior in the face.

_'She even listening to me?_' Rafaela thought to herself, slightly irked. _'Perhaps I should just kill her and get it over with?'_

"While being half yoma, we are still basically human. And humans have certain... urges. Needs." Irene was speaking low, as if she was afraid the birds in the sky or the insects in the earth would listen in.

"Urges? Needs?" Rafaela couldn't help repeating. "You'll no longer feel them. My blade is going to-"

"Well, a human weakness has come upon me now. I've been trying to suppress the feeling, but I just can't ignore it anymore." Irene shifted again, pressing her legs together insistently.

Rafaela stared at the other woman, her one eye widening just a fraction. This was so absurd. Her mission was to take this woman out, not standing here gawking! "Shall I put you out of your misery?" Rafaela replied insistently, her tone of voice indicating suppressed impatience.

"Please!" Irene suddenly whirled on the scarred warrior so fast Rafaela took a step back in startlement. "Hurry, take the cursed belts off me! I've no idea why I have so many in the first place." Irene was saying. Her stony face held the faintest tint of humility but her voice was urgent.

"...Are you seriously asking me to do this?" Rafaela, aghast to what she was being asked to do, lowered her claymore a bit. Irene glowered at the current number five.

"It would be appreciated on my part if you made haste. Do as you please afterward, but I will not be killed without relief of this feeling." Irene said gravely, looking at Rafaela expectantly. "No one will know of this favor you grant me."

The one-eyed warrior actually felt heat in her face! She couldn't believe this sort of request was being asked of an executioner. And here she was listening to this craziness! In all of her years..!

"Well?" Irene was starting to fidget even more and a note of desperation was starting to enter her voice, making Rafaela blush even harder.

"Uh.." Rafaela was mentally kicking herself for sounding so undignified. _'What am I doing? Just cut her down!_' Face looking much too red for a Claymore's pale complexion, Rafaela looked away as if something else had caught her attention. "Oh! I, uh, feel a yoki!" Rafaela sucked at lieing in the face of this kind of pressure. "I should go attend to it." And with that, Rafaela turned and walked away hurriedly.

She briefly pondered coming back later and killing the former warrior in her sleep. But that went against her honor code as a warrior for the Organization... However the thought of facing the crazy woman again was much too embarrassing! To conserve her pride, she will just tell the Organization otherwise. It wasn't as if Irene was any threat anymore, being without both her arms. Just to any poor soul who stumbled across her!

Irena watched in disappointment as Rafaela disappeared beyond the tree line.

"Well, good news and bad news." Irene spoke softly to herself. "Good news is that I got rid of my would-be killer without a fight. The bad news," she felt the insistent pressure in her lower abdomen in humitiation. "I still have to pee."

* * *

A/N- Yeah, it's a bit OOC, but I couldn't help giggling uncontrollably as I wrote this, lol. I'm not even sure if Claymores CAN blush or go to the bathroom? Ah well. The point is that Irene wears tons of belts (?) and has no way to remove them. I think I'll throw in a second chapter of this at some point just cuz I keep having amusing thoughts about armless Irene in the wilderness where no one can watch her. Teehee.


	2. Chapter 2

Irene hated meal times. Luckily they only occurred once every couple of days and a small portion would satisfy her kind. An apple tree stood tall not far from Irene's lodgings, and that's where our lofty ex-warrior was now. She stared up into the tree, trying to deem which apple would be her victim of choice today.

Her strong legs tensed before she leaped high into the air towards the branches before she snagged an apple with her teeth. She landed silently on the ground and chomped down completely on her mouthful, the rest of the apple falling to the valley floor. She stared mournfully at the rest of the bright red apple now on the ground... Along with the other multiple red apples littering the area, only one bite visible in their sides.

It was a waste... But there was no way in hell Irene would eat off the ground!

.-.-.

Irene had an itch. In that one spot that was always difficult to reach. It might be possible to reach if she awkwardly contorted her body until her legs could reach the area in question, but Irene did not have the patience to position herself in such undignified poses!

_'I'm the former number two of the organization! I will not be defeated by an itch_!'

Two days later, the itch never went away. In fact, it felt even worse. Irene was not sure if it was physically getting worse, or if the annoyance only seemed to be increasing because she couldn't stop focusing on it? Either way, she was seriously eyeing that tree with the rough-looking bark.

It almost seemed to be calling out to her. "_Irene~ Irene~ I'll scratch your back~" _the tree was saying almost seductively. Irene glared at the tree before she went about doing whatever it is she does alone in the mountains by herself... Which, as it turns out, is absolutely nothing. And thus, the itch continued to torture the warrior.

A mere two minutes later Irene was gritting her teeth at the sheer annoyance of that itch that so consumed her senses at this moment! It wasn't like she had anything else to occupy her thoughts with.

"Oh, I wonder when and if Clare will ever return her butt back here.." Irene tried out, but her mind was screaming _ITCH_ into her elfin ears. And she found her eyes once again drifting to that damn tree. "What are you looking at?" she growled at the tree.

The wind caught the leaves on the branches in a way that just screamed "_YOUR MAMA_!"

Irene's eyes widened at the unspoken insult from the tree. "How dare you!" the half yoma half human yelled indignantly at the tree before she mercilessly charged at it in blinding speed. She released her awakened powers in just one leg and unleashed it on the tree with devastating accuracy in a technique reminiscent of her infamous Quicksword technique. Except, now there was no sword, and it was with her feet. Because shes cool like that.

The tree exploded in a shower of splinters within seconds. The whole thing was now just a pile of wood on the ground near her humble lodgings. "Had enough?" she asked smugly.

"_NO!_" Irene heard in her mind... for some reason along the lines of that the itch was driving her completely nuts. The former Number Two of the Organization glared so hard at the pile of wood that it actually combusted into flames..._ because it just knew better_. She smiled that small smile of hers in satisfaction as she watched that meddlesome evil tree burn. However that smile was not to remain long since the fire was spreading from the destroyed pile of wood to her small wooden house... And then from the her house to the rest of the trees in the area.

The former warrior watched the area burn with a distracted look on her face. Distracted because the itch was still there, and multiplied ten-fold in its insistence to nag at her sanity.

"Dammit, Clare!" Irene hissed under her breath, the name now the object of Irene's irritated focus.

.-.-.

Clare and the rest of the warriors around her stared at her right arm in shock.

"Clare... I know you have issues, but is it really necessary to slap yourself?" Miria asked slowly.

"No, it wasn't me! For some reason this arm moved without my permission." Clare tried to explain, poking the belt-covered arm that was entrusted to her by Irene with her left hand. All of a sudden the arm moved to Miria's chest and groped the area. Miria looked shocked, Clare blushed really hard, Tabitha had a perverted look on her face, and Helen was laughing really hard.

"...Would you stop that already?" Miria had a very dangerous look in her eye that warned of alot of pain was about to come Clare's way.

"It's not me, I swear!" Clare became uncharacteristically flustered as she tried to convince the number six Phantom Miria of her innocence.

"Then why is your other arm doing the same thing!" Miria demanded now, looking down to see both of Clare's hands groping her breasts.

"Ah! Um, because, Irene's yoki is just really strong?" Clare tried to explain as her hands squeezed away. _'Crap, I'm gonna die before I get to Priscilla!_' was Clare's last panicked thought as Miria unsheathed her claymore.

"Deneve~ Look, my hands have gone out of control too!" Helen said as she reached out for Deneve's chest area with a grin. The short haired warrior responded by punching Helen in the face, knocking her unconscious mercilessly. Helen still had the grin on her face as drool trickeled out of her mouth.

"Gosh, and here we were wondering how the heck we were going to make new uniforms in a frozen wasteland." Uma complained to Cynthia in the background while chaos broke out in their hideout. Irene would have been proud.


End file.
